What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
