you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
