Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
