Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
