wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
