I didn't shave. On purpose
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
