I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize