I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
