i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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