i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
