??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
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