im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
