Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Someone signed my nipple.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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