And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
