THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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