he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
