brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
