I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
