Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
