so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
