I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
