so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
they call him Oral-B. enough said
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I stole a fireplace last night.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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