Three words: puerto rican gang bang
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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