dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
