I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
