Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
