I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Randomize
