perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
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I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
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he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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