i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
