My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
