you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
