you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
