I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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