in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
