I don't think brook has ever known best
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Randomize
