She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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