His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
