I'm laying in your front yard are you home
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
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