I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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