I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Randomize
