i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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