4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
