is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
