I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
