Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize