do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
