I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
whose parrot is this?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
