yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
