hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize
