I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
And then he peed in my hair
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