you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i don't like sucking hair
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I bet he comes in French.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
