okay pat passed out under dana's car
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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