Where did you get a picture of my penis
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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