she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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