Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
