I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
