Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
