hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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