dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I want her autograph on my taint
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
