The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Randomize
