we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
