You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
