My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
