Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
