I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
A bitchslap is in order.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
