You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
