I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
