I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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