I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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