we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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