put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize
