blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
