Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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